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to improvise is to be. to compose is to do. i want to compose in being mode. i want to compose improvising, as when i improvise i am composing. it has been a long search on how to do that in an uncompromising way.

when i improvise using my trumpet, i am. i am whatever spontaneously and intuitively comes out of the instrument. or my voice. or even my whole body. or at least that’s the aim.

it turned out to be something extremely hard to do using electronic instruments. maybe I just need twenty years more to get there. and in that case these years at KMH were a good start. not easy but fruitful at the end. it started the search. it showed me the path.

one of the things i have heard from my teacher and what the academic environment asks from everyone is a clear idea of what you want to do. and then you pursue it. well, that was my first problem. i did not know what i wanted to do, except that i wanted it to be an extension of my practice as an improviser, an extension of me being in this world. i did not know what i wanted to create in concrete terms, because creation ultimately does not exist. creation is empty. but when i find things/sounds i can give them a form, a structure. i needed to “find creation” instead of creating it. and to find it I needed to search, try things out, be with music and the tools to make music and see what that brought me.

i find things. i am a finder. everything is already here. everything is already created. i find it and bring it out for my own pleasure and for the pleasure (or not) of who ever will listen to it. it’s a sort of recycling. i am grateful for whatever comes. i am a guesthouse and everything is wholeheartedly welcomed if it comes in thruth.

paradoxically, i am also the source of all findings. i am that that is found. i am the music i hear. i am the creation.

at the end of my search i will arrive at where i started. i will not know more but i will know anew.